Atonement
by SecretWriter8910
Summary: First Human Spectre, and one hell of a Commander. However the reason she strives to be the best and saves everyone she can, is because of her trying to atone for her past mistakes. Will a certain Turian manage to break her secluded shell and find out what makes her tick? and will she be able conquer the memories that plague her? Garrus/F!Shepard ME1
1. Stuck in thoughts

**Hey First Mass Effect FanFiction I hope you like it. I love Mass Effect, and Garrus is like one of the coolest bad ass's ever ;)This is going to be a long story, going over Mass Effect 1-3 and possibly after. However I would like a review to know I am not writing for no reason before I get really far a long. Oh and I would like to warn you I am dyslexic. **

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Bioware, none of the Characters are mine! **

**Now I hope you like it and thank you for reading :) Xx**

"Faster, stronger, better," was what went through her head as her feet pounded the treadmill, "Computer, increases speed by two points," she commanded, the speed picked up and she picked up her speed another notch so she was sprinting. "Faster, stronger, better," she thought again, "Computer, incline by three points." She panted out, as it slowly inclined. She groaned as her legs began to burn and sweat beaded on her forehead, her teeth grinded together as she pushed herself further. "Faster, stronger, better." She grounded out this time.

"Don't you think you're going a little strong their Commander?" Shepard stumbled and the emergency stop activated on the treadmill, she cursed as pain shot through her ankle. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to startle you." She looked up at Garrus and waved him off before limping over to the bench. When she was sat she took a gulp of water from her flask and began stretching her injured ankle.

"Hey Garrus, no…no you didn't, I was just stuck in thought." She mumbled while grabbing the towel to her side and dabbing the sweat off her forehead.

"Nether the less, sorry for interrupting your workout…I just noticed you had been on that for a while." He uttered while sitting down on the bench in front of her. She noted how he was wearing his gym clothes and realised he had come down here to workout.

"Yeah sometimes I just get lost in thought." She replied while standing up and wiggling her ankle to get rid of the ache. Garrus regarded her for a moment before speaking,

"Do you mind me asking what thought's you get lost in?" he queried. Amber regarded him for a moment; he seemed to have genuine interest in his eyes but that wasn't enough for her, she needed bone deep trust to tell people what plagued her mind.

"Sorry Garrus, I'm afraid that information is most likely going to die with me." She stated, to not sound so cold she gave him a small smile before heading for the exit.

"Commander…" Garrus called out, Amber turned to look at him over her shoulder and noticed how he rubbed his neck in an awkward manner, "I don't suppose you would like to spar?" he asked. Amber quirked him a small smile again before shaking her head,

"I can't, I'm afraid some Turian startled me when I was on the treadmill and I hurt my ankle." She informed him in a factual way, however her tone was filled with humour. Garrus gave her the Turian equivalent of a smile and chuckled slightly,

"I thought you said I didn't startle you." He murmured while leaning on one leg and crossing his arms over his broad chest. Amber snickered before she replied,

"I may have…lied a little." She pursed her lips in amusement and Garrus shook his head before moving to the punching bag.

"Didn't want a Turian knowing he got the drop on you Commander?" he questioned. Amber's mouth fell open in shock before she snapped it shut, Garrus chuckled at her response and Amber joined in,

"Watch it Turian, If I didn't like you I would throw you out the airlock." She mumbled while turning back around. Garrus smiled at her back before shaking his head,

"I better stay on your good side then!" he called out as the door sealed shut behind her.

After a check-up with Doctor Chakwas for her ankle Amber took a quick shower and changed into a clean uniform. As she left her bedroom she found Kaidan working on some tech thing again, she sent him a nod before walking off. As she was ascending the stairs however Kaidan called her out, she turned to him and clasped her hands behind her back,

"Alenko?" She queried, he stopped in front of her while wiping his hands on a rag,

"I was just wondering If I was coming with you on the next mission?" he asked. Amber shook her head though she was pleased to see a member of her team so eager,

"Sorry Alenko, I took you on the last mission." She simply stated. Kaidan frowned in response but nodded in acceptance. Amber took her leave and made her way to the Galaxy map, she picked her destination and looked up to the intercom, "Joker, set course for the Luna base, and send a message to Ashley and Garrus that they are on the mission." She commanded, Joker's 'Yes, ma'am' came through and she nodded her head.

When she was in the docking bay she swiftly went to her locker, she grabbed her under suite and armour and then grabbed her weapons. She unlaced her boots, and pulled down her trousers before pulling off her top. Ashley joined a few seconds later and nodded to her,

"Commander, can I have a report on the mission we're heading out to?" she queried, Amber spoke as she began pulling on her under suit,

"Admiral Hacket says the VI on the training base there has gone rogue…it's just started shooting everyone, so it's our job to take it down." She informed her. As she was struggling to zip up the back, loud footsteps drifted to her ears,

"Oh!...Oh I'm sorry commander, I didn't mean-" Amber turned round to Garrus as her brows knitted together in confusion, Ashley had the same expression on her face so Amber turned her gaze back to Garrus, "I was just coming to get my armour, I didn't know you were changing." He uttered out while looking down at the floor, Amber and Ashley cocked an eyebrow at each other before Amber smirked in amusement,

"Garrus, on Turian ships do the men and women not change together?" she queried, while reaching for the zip again. Garrus shook his head as he went to his locker, still not meeting her or Ashley's gaze,

"Well, yes…but-" Amber stopped him there and touched his shoulder, he finally looked up at her and she gave him a warm smile,

"Then get changed solider." She uttered out, Garrus's icy blue eyes searched hers for a moment before he nodded. Amber turned round and was about to ask Ashley to zip up her under suit when she found she was gone, "Dam it Ash." She growled out under her breath.

"What's wrong Commander?" Garrus asked while arranging his armour. Amber cleared her throat self-consciously before pointing at the zip,

"Um, can you zip that?" She felt the heat creep up her face and she cursed herself, why was she embarrassed, she would ask Kaidan this and wouldn't get worked up. Amber shook her thoughts away as Garrus zipped it up quickly she nodded her thanks before putting on the rest of her armour.

…

Garrus growled in annoyance as another bullet grazed his armour, his heart was pumping in excitement and adrenaline as the turrets fired at them.

"Take cover and only fire when you're not at risk!" Shepard's voice came over the com, when the turrets began reloading Garrus looked over his cover and fired two bullets into a rocket turret. He carried on that way till it exploded,

"Scoped and dropped!" he called out and was surprised when he heard Shepard's laughter drift over the com,

"Proud of yourself I see." She replied with mirth in her voice. Garrus smirked to himself and shook his head as he heard another explosion, "All hostiles have been taken care of." Shepard announced. Garrus pulled himself of cover and met up with Amber and Ashley, the smell of blood hit him and he looked at Amber before finding a small cut in her armour,

"Commander, you're injured." He stated with worry in his voice, Amber looked down at the cut on her arm and shrugged,

"It'll be fine, I've seen worse." She mumbled, Garrus frowned at her before shaking his head and following in her step. As they made their way down the empty hallway Garrus's eyes kept on drifting to the cut on Shepard's arm, he didn't know why, but for some reason it bothered him greatly.

"Commander my sensors have fried." Ashley informed her, Amber stopped and looked at her for a moment before checking her own scans and frowning, Garrus did the same and huffed,

"Same here Commander." He uttered. Shepard shook her head in annoyance before rubbing her chin in thought. She looked to the close door they needed to go through and glared at it,

"Williams you go round that corner there…Garrus you take cover behind that pillar." She ordered while checking the ammo on her gun,

"And where will you go commander?" Garrus queried. Amber looked up at him and pointed to the door, "Erm Commander…you do realise you out in the open there." He muttered. Ashley snorted and glared at him,

"She's not dumb Turian." She snapped, Garrus huffed to himself and rubbed his forehead in annoyance at Ashley's xenophobia.

"Watch your tone William's or get back on the ship, I won't have that behaviour on my crew," Amber growled out much to Garrus's and Ashley's surprise. "Are. We. Clear. Williams." Amber grounded out again. Ashley's eyes widened and she began to stutter,

"Y-Yes Commander, Cry-Crystal clear." She muttered, Amber glared at her for a while longer before nodding and turning back to the closed door.

"Get in your positions." She ordered before stepping in front of the door. Garrus was about to take his place before something nagging inside him stopped him from doing so,

"Commander, I'm sorry but I think this isn't the best idea." He stated, Amber turned to him and raised an eyebrow,

"Garrus…I'm gonna have to ask you to trust me on this one, okay?" she mumbled, Garrus searched her green eyes for a moment before reluctantly sighing in agreement and taking cover behind the pillar. "Good, now be ready. I won't be able to hold up for long." She ordered, Garrus heard the door ping, then the hiss of it opening, "Now!" Shepard shouted, Garrus pulled out from cover and was shocked momentarily by what he saw. Shepard was standing in the middle with a biotic barrier around her, keeping the turrets concentration solely on her. He quickly brought himself out of his daze and began firing quick shots at the turrets, soon enough there was one left but there was also no ammo in his rifle.

"Out of Ammo!" Ashley yelled, Garrus growled and nodded,

"Same Commander!" he called out. Shepard's lips turned upwards into a grimace as her skin began to shine with the effort of keeping the barrier around her. She moved her hands to the barrier went across the door and turned her head to Garrus,

"Chuck me your grenade!" she shouted, Garrus did what she asked and threw her his last grenade. She activated it and took down her barrier before throwing it inside, Amber pressed the close button and sprinted down the corridor before they heard a loud bang. Garrus looked at his scan as it began to flicker to life,

"All hostiles terminated Commander." He uttered out. Shepard looked up at him from where she was bending over panting and nodded,

"Good, I feel like death." She grumbled before groaning and pulling herself up to stand, she wobbled and Garrus grabbed her arm.

"Whoa skipper you okay? And since when did you use biotics?" Ashley asked. Amber nodded her thanks to Garrus before shaking her head and squeezing her eyes shut momentarily,

"To answer your first question, I'm fine. Your second one, I am a biotic…I just don't use it a lot." She stated before pushing past them. Garrus frowned in confusion at her back before falling into step, why wouldn't she use her biotics? He thought to himself. "Normandy, this is Shepard with the ground team. Ready for pick up." Shepard called through the radio.

"Copy that Commander, ETA two minutes." Joker replied. Shepard nodded to herself before they carried on to the exit.

When they were back on the Normandy Shepard went straight to the medical bay, leaving Garrus and Ashley to sort themselves out. As she entered the medical bay she allowed her weakness to show and collapsed on one of the beds,

"You did it again didn't you?" Doctor Chakwas murmured while putting her hand to her head briefly and shaking her head in disappointment,

"When will the memories leave?" Amber breathed out, while rubbing her head. The memories that came to her while using her biotics always left her feeling weak, it wasn't the use of the biotcs themselves just the memories that triggered with them.

"I don't know, I think maybe you need to try and associate your biotics with something more…happy." Chakwas advise, Amber snorted and sat up,

"That's more easier said than done Doc, if I could I would." She uttered before pushing off the medical bed. She was still shaky on her legs so she swayed slightly before smiling at Doctor Chakwas who was giving her a concerned look, she handed her some pills for the headache Amber would soon develop however , "Thanks for the check-up Doc." Shepard quickly said before she left to go to her quarters. Kaidan looked up as she walked past and came up to her,

"Commander I heard what happened on your mission…are you okay?" he asked with obvious worry, Shepard sighed heavily before turning to him,

"I'm fine Kaidan, now I'm going for a nice long shower before I write a report and do my rounds. Make sure nobody bothers me." She mumbled, he gave her a small smile and muttered a 'Yes Ma'am' before she walked off.

Shepard groaned to herself, after two hours of paper work she felt like just crawling into the air lock and telling Joker to open it. She looked to the clock and saw it was 2200 hours, and she still hadn't done her rounds. She rubbed her face tiredly before standing up and arching her back till it clicked, as she exited her room she turned to see Kaidan was half asleep on the console he was working at, she cocked her head at him and chuckled tiredly,

"Alenko!" She called out, his head snapped up and he groggily looked around, when he noticed she called him he stood straight and saluted, "At ease Kaidan, go and rest…God knows you've probably earned it." She mumbled while walking towards the lift. As she stepped out she noticed that everyone was asleep, Wrex was in his small bunk, Tali was in hers, Ashley was probably upstairs, and Garrus. Amber's eyebrows knitted together when she didn't see him in his bunk, when she heard a curse coming from the Mako she looked over as a smile quirked at the edge of her lips. She walked over to it and tilted her head to the side in amusement as his feet poked out the end. His hand came out from under the Mako and started searching for something, she assumed it was the wrench so grabbed it and pulled herself under. Garrus looked at her in surprise for a moment before nodding his head in recognition,

"Looking for this?" she asked while handing him the wrench, he smiled thankfully at her and grabbed it before using in on a bolt. She couldn't help but notice his hands, he wasn't wearing his gloves so she could see what they really looked like,

"Commander, is there something you need or…did you just wanted to help with this?" Garrus queried. Amber looked from his hands to see him staring at her, she felt heat crawl up her face and cleared her throat before nodding,

"Yes I wanted to see how you are doing?" she asked, Garrus turned back to the task he was doing as she watch his hands again,

"Great, it's odd getting used to how things operate however." He mumbled, he passed Amber the wrench again and started using his omnitool for something,

"How so?" she asked,

"Well at C-Sec there's a lot of rules and regulations that you have to abide to, being with a Spectre means we don't have to wait for snooty ass officials to decide whether our mission is important enough to break a few rules." He informed her, Amber hummed in contemplation before turning to him,

"I agree with you slightly, but what happens when people Like Saren get turned into a Spectre…then there isn't any rules to stop them." Garrus turned to her and looked to be thoughtful for a moment before tilting his head down,

"Hmm…I suppose I never really thought of that. But tell me this Shepard, what happens when the rules stop you from catching someone who's dangerous?" he asked. Amber's green eyes board into his icy blue one's before she looked away and bit her lower lip,

"Life a bitch Garrus…and then you die." She breathed out. Garrus snorted and shook his head in humour,

"That's a cheery motto Shepard." He chuckled, Amber gave him a rare genuine smile before laughing much to his surprise,

"I didn't come up with It, some human did centuries ago." She informed him. They fell silent as Garrus continued to work, he held the wrench still and tried using his leg to grab the tool box near his feet. Amber noticed and without thinking used her biotics to pull it towards him, when it stopped he started at it was surprise before turning to her with a grin,

"Thanks." He simply stated,

"Garrus...thanks for trusting me today on the mission." Shepard mumbled, he looked at her for a moment and his face became serious,

"It's not hard for me to put my trust in you Shepard."he informed her seriously, she felt a spark of pride go through her and she just nodded at him and pulled herself out from under the Mako. She turned and kicked his foot to grab his attention,

"I'm going to hit the hay, night Garrus…don't spend up to long on that."

"But I just have to-"

"You have ten minutes, that's an order." She commanded before departing for her quarters for rest. She smirked when she heard him groan in annoyance before pulling out from under the Mako, as the doors on the lift began to shut she sent him a brief wave which he returned. When they closed her brows came together in contemplation, she had just used her biotics without a horrible memory coming back, that was, different.

**A review please, I really don't want to write more If nobody likes it :/ also If I do get a review I plan on updating at least once a week, but will push for two. Thanks for reading :) Xx **


	2. Reporters

**Hey! **

**Thanks for the reviews, and I hope your liking it so far. I probably won't update again for a couple of days after this update as I have Level two Media at college to deal with, (Nah course work :'(...) anyway I hope you like this chapter. Reviews always welcomed, either with compliment's or complaints :) Xx **

Shepard stepped off the lift with Kaidan and Garrus flanking her, her green eyes widened when she saw a news reporter waiting round the corner. Before she could pull back the reporter spotted her and waved,

"Commander Shepard, Commander Amber Shepard!" she called out, Shepard groaned before reluctantly walking up to the reporter, she clasped her hands behind her back and straightened up into a formal pose. "I'm Khalisah Al-Jilani, Westerlund news. I would like to ask you a few questions if you wouldn't mind?" she asked, however it was obviously rhetorical as she was already powering up her hovering camera. Garrus and Kaidan stepped out of view and Shepard sent them a brief glare before turning back to Khalisah who had the camera ready and rolling,

"Not at all Miss Al-Jilani, shoot." She muttered with a feigned air of confidence around her voice, she hated reports, ever since her first incident with one when she was seventeen she would become nervous.

"Commander Shepard, Humanity has been trying to get the respect of the rest of the galaxy for twenty six years, with that in mind, what are your feelings on becoming the first human Spectre?" Khalisah asked, Shepard waited a second before answering, thinking on how to answer it without insulting any viewers,

"Honoured, The Spectres represent the best of every species in the galaxy, to be asked to join them is an unbelievable honour." She stated, allowing a small smile to grace her lips to show how she genuinely meant in. Khalisah hummed and nodded before flicking to another question on her omnitool,

"Some say it's just the council throwing humanity a bone, have you ever encountered a situation where you have believed the council has asked you to put its needs before the needs of Earth?" Khalisah questioned. Shepard cleared her throat knowing she had to tread carefully,

"The council concern themselves with the needs of the whole galactic community. We're part of that community now, and we are on their agenda, but we are one of many." She answered while holding her head slightly higher. Khalisah looked over Shepard a moment before pursing her lips,

"You really believe that don't you?" she queried again, Shepard nodded her head and gave a serious look,

"Yes, I can safely say I do." She stated. Amber let her shoulders slump ever so slightly as she thought the interview was over,

"One more thing Commander Shepard," Khalisah murmured, Shepard steeled herself one last time and straightened her back, "back at Westerlund news we found some very interesting information on your previous job back at the Gentleman's club 'Red Sand,' correct me if I'm wrong but is that not a…how shall I say it, an erotic dance club." Khalisah queried with a positively evil gleam in her eyes. Shepard's throat constricted and her mind went blank for a moment before she shook her head and glared,

"Yes, it was." Amber grounded out through clenched teeth, the reporter smirked at her and carried on,

"Then you will remember how everyone in that club was found dead, with you being the only survivor? If you don't mind me asking, can you fill in the gaps for our viewers?" Khalisah asked again. Shepard clenched her fist behind her back and tried to contain her anger when Garrus stepped in, and Kaidan pulled her to the side,

"Excuse me but we don't allow reporters around this area." Garrus snapped while standing in front of Khalisah, she glared at him and crossed her arms over her chest,

"And who do you think you are?" she snarled,

"I'm part of C-sec ma'am, and if you don't remove yourself in the next ten seconds I will radio my commanding officer." He ordered with an assertive tone. Khalisah eyed him for a moment taking in his armour and self-assured posture, before walking off with a disgruntled huff. Garrus sighed in relief and turned back to see how Shepard was doing, only to Find Kaidan standing there on his own with a concerned look,

"She said she needed to be on her own." He informed Garrus, Garrus frowned and shook his head. His head was still buzzing with what Khalisah had said, and he couldn't stop his mind from drifting back to that day in the gym when Shepard seemed so lost in her thoughts. After a few minutes Garrus just huffed,

"I'm going to see if she's okay." He informed Kaidan who eyed him in an odd manner before breathing in deeply and rubbing the bridge of his nose tiredly. Garrus looked at his scanner and found Shepard's blue dot just round the corner, only a few yards away. When he found her, her back was to him and she was leaning on a wall with a window looking out over the Citadel. He cleared his throat as he walked up and was surprised to see wetness on her cheeks before she swiftly wiped it away, she always seemed so, unbreakable.

"Garrus, don't ask what's wrong?" she snapped before chuckling in a lifeless way. Garrus stopped to her side and leaned on the wall with his hip,

"I wasn't going to." He mumbled, her eyes darted to his and he was intrigued to see how they seemed to shine after crying. She gave him a small smile before giving a wide one, he was dazzled momentarily and had to shake the feeling away,

"Thanks," she breathed out, Garrus cocked his head as he regarded her. It was odd for him to see this side of her, she always came across as the commander, the confident, determined woman who let nothing stop her. Now however, she was just a woman, still confident and brave but softer, and gentler. He felt humbled for having seen her this way and found himself wanting to see more of it. She seemed to have other ideas though as she straightened her back and put on a hard mask, "Come on, we have work to do." She ordered while walking past him, Garrus felt rather upset by the sudden change but followed in her steps. When they were with Kaidan again Garrus couldn't help but notice the way he acted around Shepard. Kaidan would touch her lightly but very frequently, and his eyes always seemed to follow her movements, Garrus couldn't understand but for some reason it annoyed him. He narrowed down the annoyance to his respect for Shepard, a woman like her should have someone who was worthy of her, and even though Garrus liked Kaidan he didn't believe he was worthy of the Commander. He was brought out of his thoughts by Shepard's clipped voice, he looked around briefly to see they were standing in front of the Asari, Nassana Dantius. He was stunned to see he was so lost in his own thoughts he hadn't noticed that he was even walking,

"Now, now Commander I will make it worth your while, plus what do you take me for, an Idiot? I couldn't tell you as I knew you wouldn't do it if I did." Nassana murmured while stirring her drink. Garrus watched as Shepard leaned over Nassana a glared heatedly,

"I don't like being lied to Nassana, and dam right I wouldn't have done it, you made me murder your sister." Shepard growled, Garrus and Kaidan shared a surprised look at how intimidating she was being before turning back and watching.

"She was hardly an innocent victim Commander, now will you take these goods as your payment and leave, or will you insist on this further and cause a scene." Nassana whispered, Shepard lifted her eyes up momentarily to see they were indeed being watched by the other people in the room. She moved away from Nassana and nodded stiffly, "Pleasure doing business Commander." Nassana drawled smugly while lifting her drink to her lips. Shepard snorted before shaking her head,

"Go fuck yourself." Shepard spat before walking off. Garrus and Kaidan's mouths fell open while Nassana began to cough in shock. Garrus found himself yet again surprised by Shepard's many sides.

…

After two hours, it felt to Shepard as if they had dealt with everyone's problems on the Citadel. She had advised a woman to take a treatment that would help her child, she had sorted out the Asari consort's problems with bad press, and then she went on to accepting a mission from Admiral Kahoku. Now they were heading to Chora's Den, to try and deal with Jenna, a woman who was going undercover at an extreme risk to her health. As Shepard stepped in she realised that walking up to Jenna would come across as suspicious to the people she was spying on,

"Garrus, Kaidan, spread out and be discrete, I don't want to risk Jenna's life." She ordered before walking over to the bar. She sat down on a bar stool and ordered a drink before catching Garrus's eye from across the club, she tapped her ear to signal that they should keep radio contact. He nodded and in turn signalled to Kaidan, Shepard looked up and checked out the girls behind the bar. She quickly eyed the picture Rita had given her for this mission before looking back up again,

"Excuse me?" Shepard uttered, attracting the attention of a nearby waitress, "What's her name?" Shepard asked while eyeing Jenna. The woman smirked at her and leaned her elbows on the counter,

"Rose, she doesn't do dancing if that's what you want?" she purred. Shepard allowed the woman to think what she wanted, in fact she decided to indulge it as it was a good cover,

"Well if she won't dance for me, then how about you tell her to come over here." Amber whispered back trying to keep a light flirtatious voice. The woman just nodded before walking over to Jenna, Jenna looked over to Shepard and blushed before walking over,

"I heard you wished to speak with me?" Jenna muttered awkwardly, Shepard's face became serious as she took a swig of her drink,

"Yes but not for the reason you think." She informed her. Jenna chuckled in relief and rung her hands,

"Thank God, sorry but women aren't my type…but…wait, what do you want to talk about?" Jenna queried while raising an eyebrow,

"Your sister seems to have concern's on the job you're doing for C-sec." Shepard stated while glancing down at her drink, Jenna snorted and put a hand on her hip,

"Not this crap, sorry but I don't need your concern. I'm a big girl and I know what I'm doing, now if you excuse me…I have work to do." Jenna snapped before walking down the bar. Shepard groaned in annoyance as the previous woman came back to her and frowned,

"Take it she turned you down?" she asked Shepard, Shepard grabbed a napkin from the side next to her and grabbed a pen from behind the woman's ear. The woman's mouth went agape at her actions but Shepard ignored her,

"If she changes her mind, tell her to call me." Shepard mumbled while handing her the napkin. She watched as she gave it Jenna and shook her head in annoyance when she screwed up the napkin. Shepard shoved away from the bar and met Garrus's gaze and nodded for him to follow, she then did the same to Kaidan. As they were walking towards the door a Turain stumbled into Shepard, she went to steady him and was surprised when he moved towards her ear,

"If you have questions about Jenna come talk to me at C-sec." he whispered before stumbling away. Kaidan moved to Shepard's side and glared at the retreating Turian,

"What did he want?" he questioned with an edge to his tone, Shepard sent him a confused look because of his attitude before replying,

"That kaidan, I think is Jenna's boss," She simply stated, "Garrus did you know him?" Amber asked as they began walking towards the rapid transit.

"Yes Commander, He's Chellick, if I recall he was good at his job." He uttered. Shepard glared at the console in front of her before meeting Garrus's icy blue eyes,

"He may be good at his job, but he doesn't seem to care about putting people at risk." She spat before pressing C-sec on the console. As Shepard parked the taxi she was driving, Garrus and Kaidan jumped out, she couldn't help the laughter that burst from her lips at the relieved look on both their faces,

"Hey Commander, do you know how I said you're driving in the Mako was awful?" Garrus asked breathlessly. Shepard closed the door behind her and smirked at him,

"Yes." She drawled out as they fell into step,

"Well, that was worse." He exclaimed while pointing at the car behind them. Shepard laughed again and shook her head while gesturing for Garrus to lead them to Chellick. When they entered the right office, Chellick looked up and glared at her,

"Ahh, Commander. No offenece but what the hell were you thinking back at Chroa's Den!" he snarled. Shepard's back went rigid and she stood to her full height,

"What the hell was I doing! What the hell are you doing involving a citizen?" she snapped back with equal intensity. Chellick was momentarily stunned by her fire but shook it away and stood up,

"Look Commander, Jenna volunteered and I assure you she is safe, and the information she is receiving is vital for the mission I'm on." He informed her, still with a clipped voice. Shepard levelled him with a glare as she took step up to his desk,

"You don't need her you're putting her at unnecessary risk, and when something, not if, WHEN something goes wrong it will be your ass that gets the blame." She snapped at him. Chellick's brow ridges went up and he hummed for a moment in thought,

"What do you suggest Commander?" he questioned with a growl, Shepard shook her head and closed her eyes,

"How about I do this for you? I get you the information," she sighed out, Chellick was about to speak but Shepard raised her hand and stepped forward so they were on a couple of inches apart, "but only if you let Jenna go." She growled out dangerously. Chellick leaned back slightly and looked her over before nodding reluctantly,

"Fine." He murmured, Shepard smirked and moved back to her original position in front of Garrus and Kaidan,

"Good, now tell me what I have to do."

….

"Chellick, here's the weapon mods you wanted, and here's the recorded conversation of my deal with the black market dealer." Shepard stated as she tossed a datapad on his desk with everything he needed on. His mandibles stretched into a pleased grin and he chuckled,

"Well done Commander, you did exactly what I wanted…and more." He mumbled, Shepard just leaned on one leg and cocked her hip out while crossing her arms over her chest,

"If you don't bother Jenna again I will be pleased." She replied. Chellick stood from his desk and walked around it before holding out his hand, Shepard took it smiled,

"I will make sure Jenna is safe, and I will inform her sister Rita that I will not bother them again." He promised. Shepard nodded her head and let go of his hand,

"A pleasure detective, I hope to see you again." She uttered while leaving, as she was stepping out Chellick called Garrus. Garrus looked to Shepard and she nodded, "I'll meet you on the Normandy." She informed him while departing with Kaidan in toe.

Garrus turned back to Chellick and cocked his head in interest, Chellick went to his desk and pulled out two glasses and Turian brandy,

"So Garrus, how's life been with a Spectre. Last I remember you were having a hard time with the rules, well that's what I've heard from other members of C-sec." Chellick mumbled while nodding his head towards the brandy, Garrus declined and shook his head,

"Yes well, it's different." Was all Garrus said much to Chellick's displeasure. He took a swig of his brandy before sitting back behind his desk,

"Shepard, she's not like most humans is she?" he queried while looked down at the datapad she had given him. Garrus narrowed his eyes in suspicion,

"No, she's not." He simply answer. Chellick looked back up at him and smiled,

"And I bet this mission you're going on is VERY stressful." Chellick drawled. Garrus couldn't help the small growl rumbled from his chest and shook his head in distaste,

"If you're implying what I think-"

"No Implying Garrus, I'm telling you to do it…I mean seriously, how many times has a human woman came along that has the temper and the guts of a Turian woman, I'm not insulting her, I'm giving her a compliment." Chellick interrupted Garrus, Garrus just eyed him a moment longer before snorting and walking out.

As Shepard and Kaidan went to their locker's, Shepard could feel his eyes on her, finally she turned to him with a huff,

"Kaidan, if you have something to say…please just say it." She breathed out with exasperation, Kaidan looked away from her as his cheeks flushed and Shepard breathed in deeply. When she was just in her under suit she tried to reach up for her zipper and gritted her teeth in annoyance, ,

"Commander, do you want help?" Kaidan asked, Shepard muttered a yes and he quickly zipped it down for her before turning back to take off his own armour, "don't push yourself too much Shepard." He stated quietly, Shepard looked up at him with confusion over her face,

"What?" she asked, Kaidan sighed and walked to stand in front of her,

"We were out for three hours today sorting out people's problems, now don't get me wrong I like helping people but…after what happened with the reporter, I think you should have taken a break for a little while." He murmured while looking into her eyes. Shepard's mouth formed a hard line and she glared, she knew he was just concerned for his commander, but she knew what she was doing,

"Alenko I know what I'm doing-" she began to snap but was silenced when Kaidan brushed a strand of hair from her face. He seemed to notice what he just did and pulled his hand back quickly as if he was burnt,

"Sorry, I-I should go." He muttered while walking in his armour out of view. Shepard stood there in shock for a while with wide eyes, 'Maybe he wasn't just concerned for his commander?' she thought to herself. She felt anger bubble up in her chest and she slammed her locker door shut, Kaidan was a good man, but she promised herself to never get attached to anyone in that way, not after Samson. She let her head fall onto her locker and pushed away the emotions that made her veins run cold, it had been seven year's since she last saw him, seven years since he died on Elysium.

**Review's? and I hoped you liked it, next update in a couple of days, like I said...college :/ Xx **


	3. Bring it

**Hey! I hope your liking it so far and Reviews on how I'm doing are very much welcomed. **

**Thanks for the reviews I have got, love them so much, and a thanks to ****Credete**** for the PM on how I'm doing :D Xx **

"Joker. Inform me when we're an hour away from the Cerberus facility." Shepard commanded while walking away from his chair, well aware of Kaidan's eyes on her. She shook her head in displeasure and widened her stride to walk faster away for Kaidan's presence. When she was in the elevator she relaxed out of commander roll and leaned against the elevator wall with a sigh, she pinched the bridge of her nose in exasperation and shook her head. She felt suffocated by Kaidan, his constants 'Are you okay Shepard?' 'Can I come with you on this mission Shepard?' or her most recent favourite 'I don't like the way that guy looks at you Shepard.' Amber groaned and banged her head lightly on the wall behind her before the elevator doors opened and she stepped out. She walked past Garrus who was fixing the Mako again after one of their missions for Admiral Kahoku, she nodded to him, then to Wrex, and then to Ashley who was doing something with the guns. When she was in the gym area she closed the doors behind her and pulled off her top so her tank top underneath was only on, and took off her shoes. She began stretching before turning to the punching bag and beginning to let out her frustration on that. A few minutes later she heard the doors swish open behind her to see Kaidan walk in with concern on his face,

"Are you okay Shepard?" he asked as he stepped forward, Amber felt her anger flare as her Biotics washed over her body, threatening to bring memories she didn't want to see back into her head.

"It's Commander, Alenko, not Shepard." She snapped while not meeting his confused and hurt gaze, she continued to jab at the punching bag to Kaidan stepped forward and grabbed it,

"What do you mean it's Commander? What's the matter?" he questioned Amber had to restrain herself from hitting him the face and decided to take this on as the Commander. She took a deep breath and straightened out her posture, and defence was her station and she used it well,

"Lieutenant Alenko, I believe you're being too informal to your superior officer. From now on you will refer to me as Commander, or Commander Shepard…either will do, however if you refer to me by using my last name again there will be a punishment." She stated with a self-assured voice. Kaidan looked as if he had been punched in the stomach and Amber felt her stomach twist with guilt, he glared at her and straightened up before saluting,

"With your permission Commander, I would take my leave." He growled out though his cheeks were reddening with embarrassment, Amber nodded and he quickly scurried off allowing her to turn her attention to punching the proper equipment and not him. After a few more punches a memory from when she first met Samson popped un-wanted into her head,

_She struggled with her biotics, trying and failing again to make it hit the right target instead of going crazy and hitting everyone. She felt sweat drip off her brow as she focused really hard on sending her biotics towards the paper target, _

_"Shepard stop your biotics are becoming unstable," her commanding officer ordered, she ignored him however and still focused on the target. "I said stop!" her commander officer growled as he tugged down her arm and shook his head in disapproval, "don't disobey an order again Shepard." He snapped before walking off. Shepard looked around to see people staring at her and quickly walked away from their prying eyes, when she was at a safe distance she growled and leaned against a nearby wall before sliding down it. It began to rain and she looked up into the rain drops in sorrow, anger, and regret. _

_"Your Shepard, right?" a man asked her, not very old probably just hit his twenty's. He had light blonde and a small scar above his right eye, she nodded but didn't answer and he joined her on the now muddy floor, "I'm James…um Samson James…that sounded a bit like that old movie, you know James Bond one…" he murmured awkwardly she smiled up at him and shook her head as she recalled the really old James Bond movies she had watched with her gang._

_"I take it you saw that then, me being shitty with my biotics." She uttered out while rubbing her hands together. Samson at her and quirked the right side of his mouth, _

_"Yeah, I did…but if you want I can try and help." He said while standing and holding his hand out for her, she looked at it warily a moment before accepting his help. When she was standing he pointed to a tree, "See that there, hit it with your biotics." Shepard snorted out a laugh and shook her head, _

_"I can't do that I will probably kill you, you saw how unstable my biotics are." She exclaimed with wide eyes, Samson sighed at her and ran his hand through his messy blond hair, he turned to her and grabbed her hands. She tensed at the contact and went rigid, _

_"Relax, close your eyes and breath in," he whispered, Shepard looked at him suspiciously before doing as he asked "Think of a good time in your life." Shepard scoffed and opened her eyes, _

_"I haven't had any." She stated much to Samson's shock, he shook his head then winked at her, _

_"Think of me naked…that's a good thing to think about." He jested, Shepard laughed but returned the wink and decided to play a bit of a game, _

_"Ooo…do you work out?" she asked with her eyes closed, Samson laughed and squeezed her hands, _

_"Why yes I do." He answered, _

_"I don't like that tramp stamp just above your ass, and your thingy isn't very big-"_

_"You can stop now." Samson coughed out, Shepard began laughing hysterically as he turned a bright red. _

_"Sorry I couldn't resist." She gasped out through fits of laughter, he just shook his head in amusement and turned her back to look at the tree, _

_"Now you're calm hit it." _

"Shepard?" a voice jolted her from her pleasant memory leaving her feeling hollow inside. She turned away from the punching bag she was leaning on and gave Garrus a small smile,

"Hey, is there something I can help you with?" she asked while turning to give him her full attention, he regarded her for a moment and noticed how she her shoulder's seemed bunched up and tight.

"Actually Kaidan walked out a few minutes ago looking rather pissed, and you don't seem farily calm either." He mumbled while stepping in and allowing the doors to close behind him. Amber looked at him for a while longer and noted how he always seemed to know if she was angry or upset, she sighed heavily and nodded,

"Kaidan was getting too chummy with me, I had to put him in his place." She stated while turning back to the punching bag. Garrus moved to the wall opposite and leaned on it while watching her,

"Did you let him down lightly?" he drawled out, Amber looked over to him with a frown and shook her head,

"It's against the rules, I'm not allowed to have a relationship with someone under my commander." She uttered out, Garrus snorted and shook his head,

"Come on Shepard, you know just as well as I that if you wanted to you would screw the rules." He stated, Amber shook her head in annoyance,

"I don't know what you're talking about." She snapped, punching the bag harder. Garrus shook his head with a huff and scratched his brow plate,

"There's another reason for why you didn't go for it, I mean apparently Kaidan is everything a human woman looks for in a man." He mumbled. Amber turned to him and raised one eyebrow while smiling in amusement,

"Have you been gossiping around the Normandy Garrus?" she asked, Garrus scoffed waved her off,

"Please, I just have better hearing so while all you Humans are 'whispering' I can hear basically every word." He replied, Amber just shook her head and turned back to the punching bag,

"Tell me more about Turians being better than humans." She murmured sarcastically, Garrus stepped forward and grabbed the punching bag,

"You're not changing the subject Shepard." He stated with a defiant gaze. She glared at him cocked her hip while placing a hand on it,

"I'm your commanding officer, If I say the conversation is over it's over." She snarled, Garrus huffed took a step towards the mats for sparring,

"No you can't pull the 'I'm your Commander' card on your friend." He uttered out with a smirk. Amber was shocked for a moment at the word 'Friend' she hadn't had one of those in what seemed like a decade, but she supposed the relationship her and Garrus had was a friendship of sorts. She smiled inwardly at that and nodded her head towards the mats,

"Set those up and if you win I will tell you something about my past, you lose…then you have to clean my armour for me for a week." She proposed while standing in a confidently with her arms crossed over her chest,

"Alright, be prepared to get your skinny human ass beaten." He declared while throwing down one mat. Shepard began stretching and bent down to touch her toes, when she popped up she saw the mats were all set up,

"Eager to get your ass kicked Turian?" she asked while deciding whether to change her military trousers for some gym ones.

"I'm eager to take you down a notch." He answered back while getting ready into a fighting stance, she smiled at him eagerly and fell into her own fighting stance,

"Bring it." She simply said while bouncing from side to side on her the balls of her feet. They began to circle each other for a while before Garrus finally kicked out, she swiftly dodged it and 'tsked' him,

"That was just a practice shot." He uttered, Amber laughed and shook her head, he shot out with his hand and she deflected it before punching him in the face. Her eyes widened when she saw blue blood and she put her hands to her mouth,

"I am so sorry, I didn't mean to hit you so hard-" she was cut off from what she was about to say when Garrus kicked her feet out and she landed hard on her stomach. She was about to push herself back up when Garrus grabbed her arms and twisted them behind her back,

"Shepard in a spar you're bound to get some injuries. So don't check to see if your opponent is okay," he advised, his breath tickling her cheek. She chuckled breathlessly and twisted to try and throw him off, "now, tap because I'm a lot heavier than you and you're not going to be able to throw me off." He uttered. Amber sighed but consented by banging her head twice against the floor, much to Garrus's amusement,

"What? I can't tap with my hands you've got them." She exclaimed as he climbed off her, he chuckled and held out a hand for her, Amber's hand momentarily went to the memory where Samson did the same for her. She was brushed from her thoughts when Garrus replied,

"You could have just SAID 'I tap'." He stated, she blushed seeing the obvious sense in that and allowed him to pull her up,

"Right I should be off." She hurriedly said while walking towards the door, Garrus sighed while catching her elbow and spinning her around,

"So why did you deny Kaidan?" he asked while raising his brow plates, She huffed at him and crossed her arms over her chest,

"I don't wish to get emotional involved with someone who can be taken away from me Garrus, it's not something you easily forget." She uttered out while her gaze became sad, Garrus was surprised by the reason and frowned at her,

"How close did you get?" he question, still holding his hand on her elbow, she closed her eyes and drew in a shaky breath. She tugged on the chain around her neck till her dog tags came out with a small silver ring attached to it,

"That close." She whispered, Garrus's face washed over in confusion as a tear escaped her bright green eyes,

"I don't understand?" he uttered out while taking his hand slowly off her elbow, she smiled up at him sadly and began to walk away,

"Ask Ashley." She called out right before the door's closed behind her.

**Sorry if there was any spelling mistakes :/ and Reviews on how your liking it is very useful to see how I should carry on :D I will try to update tomorrow but I might not be able to Xx **


	4. Memories and Biotics

**Hey, sorry for this being short AND late but I was so, so, so, so busy with College :( I will try to get you another chapter sooner. Thanks for the reviews :) I really appreciate them, and they are always welcomed! :D **

**Big thanks to ****Credete**** for proofreading my work for me! Thank you so much :D **

**I hope you enjoy this chapter Xx **

"Crap they've taken out my comms." Shepard snapped while dodging yet another bullet. She tried to contact Garrus and Liara over the radio, but all she received was static. She breathed in deeply before running out of cover towards where she last saw them. When she was nearly there she was slammed against the wall by a biotic push, she groaned as her head smacked the wall and she slid to the floor. She looked up at her attacker and was about to use her biotics when her attackers head blew up in a red haze. Amber rose her eyebrows in surprise, but when she saw Garrus's smirk at her from his cover she snorted. When she was finally back with her team, she found Liara had managed to somehow damage her ankle. She went over to check if she was okay before helping Garrus take down the rest of the Cerberus agents.

"I think that's all of them Shepard." Garrus mumbled while looking down the scope of his sniper rifle for more enemies. Shepard patted his shoulder before helping Liara to stand,

"Good, try and radio the Normandy. I'll look around to see what these sick bastards were up to." She informed them. As she explored the small facility, she found a computer holding data about what Cerberus was doing. As she leaned over it and started investigating, she heard a small rustling sound behind her; before she could turn she felt the press of a hard, cold object to her head.

"Turn around very slowly," the rough male voice said with an air of confidence in his voice, believing he had the upper hand. Shepard did as he asked and began to slowly turn but then full on twirled and grabbed his arm. She head-butted him before using her biotics to send him flying against a wall.

"I really hate you Cerberus bastards." She snarled as she shot him while the memories from using her biotics flooded her brain,

_"NO!" She screamed as she ran forwards. When she made it to his side blood was streaming from the corners of his mouth. When he saw her he smiled and weakly reached for her face,_

_"My Amber," he muttered while his eyes slowly began to glaze. Shepard shook her head and tried to cover the wound in his stomach. "Amber listen to me," he mumbled again even weaker, "get the rest of the troops together and get those fucking batarians off this planet." He growled out. Amber felt tears sting her eyes and she shook her head,_

_"I can only do it if you come with me, you're their Commander, the men will only follow you." She uttered while trying to pull him up, he shoved her away and grabbed her hand gently,_

_"Amber I'm not going to get up after this, they will follow you when I'm de-"_

_"Don't say it!" she grounded out through gritted teeth, he smiled up at her and rubbed his thumb over her knuckles,_

_"I love you Amber…always remember that." Amber felt her heart clench horribly tight and moved forward to give him a ghost of a kiss,_

_"I love you Samson."_

"Shepard!" she was pulled out of her horrible memory by Liara's voice, she looked up and smiled at the asari's concerned face,

"I found some information on this computer we should send to the Alliance." Amber stated while moving towards the door,

"Shepard you're hurt." Liara uttered again. Shepard frowned at her in confusion before following her gaze and finding a bullet hole in the back of her shoulder. She sighed heavily in annoyance before shaking her head,

"Great. Has Garrus managed to contact the Normandy?" She asked while she carried on walking. Liara fell in step behind her as Shepard began to check her own comms again.

"No, he says it will take a few hours to undo whatever it was Cerberus did." Liara replied. As they entered the main hall, Shepard found Garrus sitting on a crate doing something to his sniper rifle,

"Aren't you a supposed to be fixing the communications?" Amber asked while raising an eyebrow at him. He cocked his head in amusement and nodded,

"Already finished it, just waiting for the computer to do a check-up on its systems before I turn it back on and we can radio the Normandy." He informed her. Shepard pinched the bridge of her nose in exasperation before meeting his gaze,

"And that will take how long exactly?" she questioned,

"A couple of hours, not sure." He answered; Shepard huffed before sitting on a nearby crate,

"Great, well get comfortable team." She breathed out as a yawn escaped her. Liara frowned at her and looked over to Garrus,

"The Commander is hurt." She informed him, Shepard sent her a quick glare before meeting Garrus's concerned and confused gaze,

"I don't see any wound." He mumbled while eyeing Shepard's armour,

"It's in the back of her left shoulder." Liara told him, much to Shepard's annoyance. Garrus took a step towards Amber who didn't budge,

"I'm fine, I'll get it dealt with as soon as we're back on the Normandy." She uttered while crossing her arms over her chest. Garrus gave her an annoyed look and she returned it with a defiant one,

"Shepard-"

"No, that's final Garrus…I've had a lot worse than one bullet wound." She interrupted him before standing and walking off towards the staff quarters. When she found the room she let herself fall down onto one of the bunk beds with a heavy thump. She sat up and rolled her injured shoulder with a wince before sighing and lying back onto the bed. A few minutes later the memory she recalled a few moments ago from using her biotics trickled into her mind. She touched the area over her armour where her ring lay and closed her eyes tightly before willing sleep to take her.

**I know it was short but I will write another asap :) reviews always welcomed Xx **


	5. Have Faith

**Hey, I hope you all had a good Christmas and I hope you all like this chapter. I personally have had an extremely stressful Christmas as my Boyfriend is being a F***wit :'(...so any reviews telling me how much of a meany he is will be MUCH appreciated! any reviews at all will make me happy. **

**Thanks to ****_Credete_**** for checking for any mistakes I have made, extremely helpful guy! **

**And thank to any reviews I have received!**

**Enjoy**

As the lights around Amber went out, she jolted awake, quickly pulling her pistol out from under her bunk bed pillow and aimed it at the intruder, only to find a very startled Liara standing there about to climb up onto the top part of the bunk bed.

"I didn't mean to disturb you Commander." She hurriedly said while holding her hands out in front of her in a non-threatening way. Amber sighed and put her gun down before pulling herself out of bed to stand, wincing as her shoulder jolted in pain.

"It's okay Liara… are the communications up yet?" Amber asked as she rolled her shoulder trying to rid herself of the pain, unsuccessfully. Liara calmed down and allowed her hands to fall to her sides.

"Garrus informed me that they should back up in about an hour," she informed her. Amber nodded and began to make her way towards the door when Liara's voice called out from behind her, "Commander… I think you should speak to him." She uttered while warily chewing on her lower lip. Amber's eyebrows drew together in confusion at that and she turned back to Liara.

"Why, what's wrong with him?" She queried while attempting to fold her arms over her chest but failing as the pain flared in her shoulder again. With a grumble Amber let her arms fall back to her sides.

"He… just seems rather... down and agitated." Liara replied with a seemingly knowing look in her eyes, Amber just shrugged and nodded to her.

"Will do, I was on my way to see him anyway," Amber murmured before turning back around to leave, "Get some rest Liara." She ordered half-heartedly with a small smile. Liara returned the smile with a tired one and got on the bottom bunk instead of the top.

"Will do Commander." She simply said to Amber's retreating form. When Amber made her way into the main room she found Garrus leaning over one of the crates doing something to his sniper rifle. Before she could even make a sound his head snapped up and he nodded to her.

"Commander." He simply stated before turning back to his sniper rifle. His curtness threw her off a little, as she was used to him smiling at her whenever he saw her, but now? She shook her head as an annoying nagging feeling started in her chest as she walked towards him.

"You okay Garrus, you seemed troubled." She stated while stopping next to him and jumping up onto the crate, mindful of his work. Garrus stopped and did nothing for a while before putting his sniper rifle down and sighing heavily,

"Yes actually, there is," he breathed out with what seemed like exasperation, "Shepard… you ask me all the time during dangerous missions, to trust you when you're doing dangerous and reckless things-" he began but Amber snorted and rolled her eyes,

"I would hardly say dangerous and reckless-"

"You head-butted a krogan immediately after charging it." He interrupted, Amber felt a blush crawling up her neck and she cleared her throat.

"I um… forgot about that one." She murmured while looking at her armoured glove. Garrus scoffed and shook his head in mixed amusement and disapproval.

"I'm not really surprised you forgot about it, you probably have brain damage," he mumbled while picking up his sniper rifle and fiddling with the sights. Amber chuckled at that and felt an unusual happiness fill her at them being able to act like they usually did. Garrus turned back to Amber with a serious look and she immediately stopped chuckling, "But my point is Shepard… you always ask your crew to put such faith in you, but you won't put faith in them… for example your shoulder." He gestured his head towards said shoulder and she glared at him in annoyance.

"I have faith in my crew's capabilities, completely. Do I, or do I not let you and many other crew members watch my back on the field?" she growled out in anger. Garrus rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand and he let out a long breath.

"That's not what I meant, I know you have faith in our abilities in combat Shepard… what I don't think you have faith in is our ability to handle your problems." He stated while holding her gaze. Amber glared at him again but this time in confusion.

"How so?" She asked with a small twinge of annoyance in her voice.

"You dealt with my problem with Doctor Saleon, you're always talking to Liara about her mother being a psychopathic crazy woman, and in general you always try to help your crew out personally. The other day when we were sparring I thought I had a chance to help you out." He breathed in deeply at the end and Amber stared at him blankly while blinking.

"You did help me out, we sparred." She uttered. Garrus scoffed again and put his sniper rifle down again before standing directly in front of her and cocking his head.

"Shepard, I found out what that ring you have means." He mumbled while his tone took on a softer quality. Amber felt her heart constrict painfully as her skin seemed to burn where her ring touched. Her eyes began to water with tears but she denied them their right to fall from her eyes.

"Oh, so you want to know the full story?" She asked while letting her head fall down away from his gaze. She heard Garrus sigh and was surprised to feel him move to sit next to her on the crate.

"No, I want you to tell me about him, and then I want to help you deal with it like you helped me with Doctor Saleon." He stated, Amber looked up at him and after a while of contemplating she finally, and reluctantly nodded. With a sigh she began to tell him her story.

"Samson and I were engaged… we never got married, he died a few months before," she whispered as her throat began to feel horribly tight, she reached into the collar of her armour and pulled out her dog tags with the silver ring dangling from it, "We met in training for the Alliance, and then by coincidence we seemed to go on a lot of missions together." She breathed out again, "We got put on Elysium to help keep the colony safe while it started up, and he asked me to marry him there." After a while of silence Garrus put his hand on her knee.

"What happened to him Shepard?" He asked, his voice filled with obvious concern. The tears did then begin to spill as the memory came back to her...

_"What do you say me and you go and get a drink to celebrate after this?" Samson uttered quietly as they walked around on another patrol. Amber quirked him an indulgent smile and shook her head._

_"Why, why, I do believe my superior officer is harassing me, I am going to have to report this." She jested, Samson rose an eyebrow up at her and grabbed her hand._

_"ACTUALLY… I am only your superior officer while we are on this planet, you are not part of my official squad… so deal with it and come have a drink with your future husband." He pulled her hand over his shoulder as he slide the gun she was holding back into its place on her armour. She hummed thoughtfully as her eyes darted over his face._

_"I suppose I could spare a little time, but I can't stay up late… my current superior officer is a bit of a douche." She mumbled. Samson let his mouth fall open as he feigned hurt for a moment before snickering and burying his face into the crook of her neck, just under her ear._

_"Well he will have to deal with it, because your fiancée has plans for you tonight-" he uttered seductively against her skin but was interrupted by a loud bang coming from the south. Both of them were immediately ready and pulled out their weapons before walking in the direction of the noise. Amber put her finger to her comms in her ear when she heard the very loud bang of gun. She swirled and her blood ran cold, Samson was looking down at the whole in his stomach and briefly caught her gaze before collapsing,_

_"NO!"_

"Shepard!" Garrus said while shaking her shoulder gently. Amber looked up at him with wide eyes and shook her head as tears spilled from her eyes.

"Oh God Garrus I still miss him, it's been seven years and I can't let him go." She sobbed out, she felt herself being pulled into a comforting hug by Garrus and welcomed it. Their armour made it awkward but she didn't realise till now how much she needed this. She always pushed people away when they tried to pry into her past. Somehow, however, Garrus had managed to, and now he was helping her cope with it. With another sob she wrapped her arms around his waist and clenched Samson's ring tightly in her hand.

**Reviews on the chapter are welcomed...and reviews on how much of a tool my boyfriend is are even more welcomed, because basically when we got into a relationship he said he didn't like anyone but me...and now we are he says he doesn't know. I don't like being screwed with :( and now I am sad :'( xxxx **


	6. It worked

**Hey! Sorry I have been super busy at the moment with college work and stuff. Also thanks for the comments on my now...ex ;) he was being a stress head and I can't deal with stress! lol **

**Anyway hope you like this chapter, and I always welcome reviews :) **

**Thank you for any I have received, and BIG thanks to Credete for proofreading this for me :D **

"How many times am I going to have to bandage you up," Doctor Chakwas snapped in concern, Amber's lip quirked in amusement as the older woman put an anti-bacterial salve over the bullet wound. The wound itself had been mostly dealt with by Garrus, once Amber had calmed down enough to let him help. There was still however a small hole, as she had left the bullet in for too long for medi-gel to effectively close off the wound completely. "Dodge next time Commander." Doctor Chakwas murmured again while finishing off the bandage. Amber rolled her shoulder once she was done and jumped off the medical bay's bed with a small thud.

"Thanks Doc, and I'll try." Amber uttered with humour in her voice. Chakwas rolled her eyes as she began putting away her equipment,

"That's what you told me last time." She whispered. Amber scoffed and shook her head before thanking her again and walking out of the medical bay. She went straight to her quarters and began to dress in her Alliance standard issue nightwear, and as soon as she was ready she collapsed on her bed. She was so emotionally exhausted dreams of her past didn't plague her, and instead blissful sleep was all she was greeted by. Unfortunately for her, the insistent beeping of her alarm woke her too soon, with a relaxed hum she rolled over and hit the 'Snooze' button on the alarm. She pulled herself to sit but her body refused. With a sigh she decided a few more minutes wouldn't hurt and allowed her eyelids to drift shut again.

The smell of the bland food drifted to her nose accompanied by the sound of someone clearing their throat. She shot up with wide eyes straight away and regretted it when the movement caused a slight pain to go through her tender shoulder. With a groan she squeezed her eyes tight and flipped her legs over the edge of her bed, before leaving her elbows on her legs and rubbing her face tiredly.

"Did you have enough beauty sleep Commander?" Garrus's mocking tone came to her ears. Amber realised then that someone was in her quarters and looked up at him in bewilderment. She looked to the food on the desk and drew her brows together in confusion.

"Why did you bring me food-" she stopped when she glanced at her clock, and her eyes widened and she gasped, "No, no, please tell me this is wrong and it is not eight o'clock." She hurriedly said while standing and grabbing fresh gear clothes.

"No its right, people were wondering why you weren't at breakfast, so they recruited me to bring you some… and check what was wrong." He informed her while crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against her desk. Amber looked up at him and huffed with exasperation, she ran her fingers through her black hair and almost growled when she noticed she had left it down. She looked back up at Garrus who was regarding her hair with a thoughtful expression and she cocked an eyebrow up at him.

"What?" She asked while moving to the food he was leaning on, she smiled brightly when she saw her usual was there; eggs on toast with her cup of tea. She pulled out her chair and took a bite out of her toast before looking back up at him.

"I just find it odd seeing you with your… hair… down." He uttered awkwardly. Amber found it slightly amusing and shook her head before taking a sip of her tea.

"I don't often have it down, I might get it all cut off… it's rather annoying," she uttered as she took another bite of toast before looking back at him. "Thanks for this, I won't allow it to happen again." She exclaimed while nodding towards her food. Garrus sighed heavily next to her causing her to meet his blue eyes.

"You over sleep once, in how long? And the amount of stress you're under at the moment… no one's surprised you need a little break." He stated while pushing off her desk and facing her. Amber shook her head at him and gave him a serious look.

"I can't get sloppy Garrus, this mission is too important-"

"No, I'm not going to listen to you get all serious about over sleeping. Now just finish your food, Joker says we will be at Noveria in about four hours." He mumbled while turning to her door, Amber chuckled and turned back to her food.

"Yes sir, Vakarian sir…" Amber whisper quietly, she heard a laugh from Garrus and looked up to see him staring at her with a smirk, her face heated up as she realised he had heard.

"Better hearing…" he uttered while tapping the side of his head. Amber cleared her throat in embarrassment and scratched the back of her hand, "And… don't cut your hair, it sounds… painful." He finally said while departing her quarters, Amber bit her lip and snickered to herself before finishing off her meal, not noticing the small smile that lingered on her lips. Once she was done she quickly got dressed, pulling her long black hair into a strict bun, and tucking Samson's ring and her dog tags under her top. As she departed she quickly made her way to the medical bay for Chakwas to check up on her shoulder, when she entered she found the older woman already waiting for her.

"Sorry I'm late Doc… I over slept." She informed her while hopping onto one of the beds; Chakwas raised her eyebrows in surprise and made a startled noise in the back of her throat.

"You, over sleeping, why don't I believe you?" She jested with a warm smile. Amber chuckled while she took off her top so there was access to her wound.

"I know, I know… very funny." She murmured. Chakwas quickly went to work and when she was done took a step back to regard Amber.

"Have you had any memories while using your biotics?" She questioned as usual, Amber nodded with a frustrated huff.

"Yes." She simply stated while sliding off the bed, Chakwas frowned at her and gave her a thoughtful expression before something crossed over her features.

"I want you to begin meditating-"

"I already do that-"

"I know… and don't interrupt me," Chakwas snapped, Amber bit down on her tongue to stop from laughing and listened as the other woman carried on, "I want you to begin mediating with someone who can calm you down." She uttered. Amber's brows knitted together in thought and she cocked her head.

"How will that help?" She queried, Chakwas shrugged and smiled half-heartedly at her.

"It might not, I don't see any harm in trying…. maybe when you start to get the memories, they can help repress them, it's worth a shot." She mumbled, Amber pursed her lips in agreement before thanking Chakwas and departing.

….

"You know Garrus, I don't see how these upgrades will help make the ride smoother." Tali breathed out while idly checking her calculations again. Garrus chuckled as he increased the suspension on the final wheel of the Mako.

"I've checked, no matter how rough it gets… it should work, in theory." He replied while pulling himself out from under the Mako to look up at Tali who had come down to help him with his work.

"In theory." Tali drawled out with humour, Garrus's mandibles opened slightly in a smirk as he pulled himself to stand and let her check his work with her omnitool. As she was doing so the smell of flowers, and a hint of spice hit him and his smirk widened into a bright smile.

"Commander, do you need me for something?" He asked while turning to see Shepard approaching them, she sent him a polite smile before turning to Tali.

"I would like to talk to you Garrus, if you don't mind," she said while nodding her head towards the gym, if it was possible Garrus's smile grew larger at the possibility of sparring again with his friend. He turned to Tali before speaking.

"Do the upgrades look good?" He asked, Tali closed down her omnitool and turned to him with a heavy sigh.

"Yes… but like I said, I don't think it will work with a certain someone's driving." She muttered while winking at Shepard and walking off. Garrus chuckled before turning back to a bewildered Shepard.

"Did... did Tali just wink at me?" She murmured, Garrus snorted at her and shook his head while making his way to the gym.

"Yes, it's not weird among friends Shepard." He informed her, well aware of how she had kept herself emotionally away from everyone. When they entered the gym he turned to her and cocked his head, "So, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?" Shepard rung her hands slightly in what seemed like nerves, and Garrus raised his brow plates up at the action.

"Right…. well, um, do you know why I don't use my biotics a lot?" She started not meeting his gaze, Garrus frowned at that but shook his head.

"No, I don't." He simply answered as Shepard moved to the bench and sat down, every move she made was tense and Garrus began to worry.

"I don't use them a lot because they trigger memories… most of the time unpleasant." She mumbled while pinching the bridge of her nose, Garrus made his way over to her and sat down before leaning forward on his knees and resting his elbows on his thighs.

"Do you know why they trigger memories?" He asked quietly. Shepard sighed before nodding and looking up at the door, as if remembering something,

"Before I joined the Alliance I ran with a gang called the Tenth Street Reds, I had a small biotic ability… so when they wanted to test to see if this new drug increased biotics… I volunteered." She informed him, Garrus's eyes widened and he regarded her incredulously.

"Why would you do that?" He breathed out, and Shepard looked to him with haunted eyes and he wondered what had put it there.

"I was seven when I joined them, and they used me to steal small stuff for them… they offered me protection, food, and a place to stay. I didn't want to lose that when they asked me to test this new product." She stated.

"How old were you?" Garrus questioned again, Shepard looked away before rubbing circles on her temples with exasperation.

"I was fifteen… and the stuff they gave me had... consequences," she mumbled. Garrus was about to ask what but she seemed to sense him, "Nightmares, pain, fits… unstable biotics, which they liked… a lot. They began to see me as a weapon instead of a petty thief, so I was put to other tasks." She whispered out the last bit as a look of shame crossed over her usually strong features. Garrus's instinct was to put his hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him and gave him a small sad smile before looking back away, "But back to your original question, Doctor Chakwas believes memories are triggered by my biotics, because I associate my biotics with bad things… nothing POSITIVE happened when my biotics were increasing, only pain… and the consequence of having such strong powers." She closed her eyes tightly as they fell into a heavy silence, without noticing Garrus traced a circle on her shoulder with one of his talons while his mind raced over what he just learned. If they thought of her as a weapon, was she used as one? He thought to himself while dread curdled in his stomach.

"Shepard…" He uttered quietly to get her attention. Slowly, very slowly she seemed to relax, Garrus feeling her muscles twitching as she began breathing in deeply. After a while she looked up at with calm eyes. She smiled at him thankfully and he found himself mesmerised by her sparkling green eyes.

"Sorry, and thank you for listening," she reached up to his on her shoulder and squeezed it before abruptly standing and turning to him, looking somewhat uncomfortable again. "But this isn't the reason why I came, I wanted your help with meditation," she stated. Garrus made a startled sound in the back of his throat and leaned on the bench to stare up at her.

"Why would you want that... Kaidan or Liara would be better." Shepard huffed at him and glared in slight annoyance,

"I still haven't spoken to Kaidan since I put him in his place." She snapped while crossing her arms over her chest in a defensive position. Garrus chuckled at her behaviour before standing and shaking his head.

"I would say you neutered him." He uttered under his breath, Shepard heard as her mouth fell agape in an amusing 'o' shape. She ignored his statement however and carried on.

"And Liara isn't really in a good place at the moment… she seems to be getting stressed out the closer we come to finding her mother." She informed him, Garrus nodded while rubbing the back of his neck, noticing how Liara's behaviour seemed to be changing to be more agitated. With a small smile he turned to the mats and pointed to them.

"Fine, show me how I can help." He ordered, and Shepard gave him a dazzling smile before quickly moving over to said mats and sitting down cross-legged. He followed and sat down in front of her, not really knowing what to do, luckily for him she began to ease his worry.

"I'm going to try using my biotics, and If I get a memory… I need you to help me." She mumbled while looking over to the small boxing glove in the corner. Garrus watched with great interest as a wave of blue began to shimmer over her body, and the glove began to slowly move. He became entranced, but was shortly brought out of it when Shepard made a horribly desperate noise and she snapped her eyes shut. He moved quickly over to her and grabbed her hands.

"Shepard… It's just a memory okay?" He hurriedly said, her eyes snapped wide open before searching his for a while and finally finding something that calmed her. She let out a shaky breath and slowly nodded.

"Yeah, yeah… I'm f-fine." She stuttered. Garrus frowned at her and gently put her hands back down and sat opposite her again.

"We're not doing that again." He growled out, to his surprise it held more heat than it was meant to and he and Shepard both stared with wide eyes at each other. After a moment he cleared his throat and stood up, "Why don't we try something else?" He said more lightly. Shepard regarded him with concerned curiosity before gracefully standing and rubbing her chin.

"What have you got in mind?" She queried while watching him move over to the glove she had been moving. He picked it up and turned to her.

"I'm going to throw this and you push it." He simply replied while standing a few feet away from her, she frowned at him and shook her head.

"I won't be able to do that without the memories-" with that Garrus interrupted her.

"I watched a film once about… something called Jedi's, you remind me of them." He uttered while throwing the glove, Shepard was shocked by his statement and his sudden movement that without thinking about it, pushed the glove thrown for her face away with her biotics. After a moment of her just standing there staring at Garrus she gave him the happiest smile he had ever seen her give anyone.

"It worked." She chuckled.

**Thank you for reading, I hope you liked it. Reviews always welcomed :) Xx **


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